Recently, God put something on my heart that I have been
fighting, tooth & nail…. Actually, He probably put it there a long time
ago, but Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, my friends. After pleading with
Him incessantly (“God, hold on… are You SURE? I mean, I have some other ideas
that I would like much better. Can I put a presentation together for you? I’m
really good with Prezi.”) I realized that I was supposed to step out in faith,
and just obey.
So, last week, I told
my principal that I will not be back next year. I’m not leaving to teach at
another school- one closer, with better pay, better insurance and an environment
I would love to work in. I am not leaving to become a curriculum director and
coach- a job I have always dreamed of. I’m leaving the classroom to stay home
with my 3 and 4 year old.
I. Am. Terrified.
Actually, I feel like a swirling, crazy mess of sadness,
fear, anxiety, confusion, relief, excitement, expectation, and uncertainty. I do not go gentle into that good night, and I
do not go joyful into this good obedience.
In my Search for Steph, this was not a road I thought I
would be taking. I whole-heartedly believe that the job of SAHM is one of the
hardest, most-challenging, never-ending jobs in the world. It takes a special
type of person to handle this important job- I just don’t think I’m that
person. My children will love it, and I have felt increasingly out of sorts
with my current position lately, so I know it is probably for the best, but I
am still sad and scared. I must walk by
faith along this journey where I have encountered some unexpected twists and
turns. That isn’t exactly my strong suit
;-) Pray for me, my friends. Pray.
